I figured I should post my script that's going up in the next LCC show since I haven't put any of my work up here in a while. It's no "Bradpitt Pham," but we'll see what the group can do with it. Comments appreciated.
Download:
"Family Practice" (25kb)
Just some photos from before the show one night:
Samantha and Randall warming up via their tapdance routine.
Vivian combating with her riverdance.
Beau engineering a truce between the two factions.
Drawing in Tim's tatoo.
Guys' dressing room.
Gals' dressing room.
SAFFRON: Dex, you don't know me at all.
DEXTER: I don't think that's true. I think I know you just fine. Before we even met, I knew what it would be like, like being three again and tasting chocolate ice cream for the first time.
I knew how I'd look at women differently after you; instead of seeing the things I was attracted to, I'd begin to see a woman's imperfections: how she compared to you, how she didn't have your room-lighting smile, how she lacked your generosity and sincerity.
I even knew how you'd make me feel about myself, like the imperfect and incomplete idiot that I am. But as imperfect and incomplete an idiot I may be, I'd also be stupid to not try and be the man you deserved.
I may not know your favorite color, your favorite desert, or whether you like kittens or puppies. And I may have only met you a week ago, but Saffron, I've known you all my life.
I was lusting for a new 'puter or perhaps a new video camera, but I ultimately decided to be responsible and pay off my credit card.
So what do the shifty bastards do? They go and increase my credit limit. Enough so, I just might be able to buy the new iMac and the camera AT THE SAME TIME. Damned credit cards. Indentured servitude for modern times, I tells ya.
Think about it:
INT. Gentleman's Club - Night
It's a cold, rainy night in 1969. HARRY and WHITEY are sitting by the fireplace, smoking cubans and drinking brandy.
Harry Honkeytonk
Dagnabbit, Whitey. It looks like we'll have to give "everyone" the opportunity to go to college now.
Whitey McWhiterson
That's a crying shame, Harry. Now people of "all" backgrounds will be able to have professional careers and become independently wealthy.
Harry
Not if I have anything to do with it.
Whitey
What do you suggest?
Harry
Lets raise the cost of college.
Whitey
Raise the cost of college?
Harry
Yes. To an insane amount of money. That way, "those" people will have to take out loans, student loans, if you will, to go to college.
Whitey
Loans? To go to college?!! Why, that's...that's not a bad idea! You know what else we could do?
Harry
What's that, Whitey?
Whitey
We could give these college kids credit cards.
Harry
Credit cards? Right when they enter college?
Whitey
Exactly. As they step onto the campus, they'll be inundated with people offering them credit cards.
Harry
And to make sure we catch those really poor ones who think they know better, we'll give them free clothing!
Whitey
Yes! Free t-shirts!
Harry
"Get a free t-shirt when you sign up for a credit card." Splendid!
Whitey raises his glass. Harry returns the gesture.
Whitey
To student loans and giving college kids credit cards, the new indentured servitude for modern times!
Harry
Here, here!
The men drink and laugh manically. The camera zooms into the window as the rain falls, thunder and lightning crashing outside.
Fin
Once upon a time, in a land called West L.A., there was a quaint, yet overpriced little apartment called Colby. There lived four young professionals: Funny, Happy, Mellow, and Brooding. One day, Happy came home and shared with his roommates some really happy news; Happy was offered a job as a drug dealer (read: pharmaceutical sales) in New York City and would be leaving at the end of April. While this news was certainly happy for Happy, his roommates took the news in their own different ways: Mellow got flustered, Brooding went to write in his iblog, and Funny stopped laughing when he realized he would have to move back into his parent's house.
With both Happy and Funny leaving Colby, Mellow and Brooding decided to remain roommates and find another apartment for just the two of them. So, they set off on foot to find a home in the Land of New Apartments. They searched high and low for a home. Finally with a little help from their good, yet overpriced friend, Www.westsiderentals.com, they were able to find a new place in the Land of New Apartments.
As they reached the gate to enter, down swooped the Wicked Witch of Bad Credit. Mellow and Brooding trembled at her sight as they were both terribly afraid of the Witch of Bad Credit. You see, back when Mellow and Brooding were college, the Wicked Witch gave them free Credit Cards. What she failed to mention was that the Credit Cards would curse them with Bad Credit if they weren't careful. Not knowing any better, they accepted the Credit Cards and learned the hard way about Bad Credit. Now the witch had come back haunt the roommates.
"You honestly think they'll let you have a new place in the Land of New Apartments?" She asked. "I've cursed both of you with Bad Credit! Bwahahahaha!"
"You can't hold us down, you witch!" Mellow replied.
"Word." Brooding said.
"Just you wait, my pretties," the witch said, "you'll never pass their Credit Check."
"Oh no," Brooding said, "she's right, Mellow. We'll never pass their Credit Check! What are we going to do?"
"Don't worry," Mellow said. "I've got just the thing." From his backpack he pulled out the Wad of Cash.
"No! Not the Wad of Cash!" The Witch cried. "Anything but that!" Mellow took the Wad of Cash and handed it to the Manager of the Gate.
"So, about that Credit Check..." he said the Manager.
"What Credit Check?" The Manager said. And with that, the gate opened.
"I'm melting! I'm melting!" Cried the Wicked Witch as she disintegrated into a pile of goo.
"Word," said Brooding. And with that, Mellow and Brooding passed through the gate, into the Land of New Apartments where they settled into a quaint apartment next to a Taco Bell.
And they lived happily ever after.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
A commercial advertisement with an ANNOUNCER. Similar to something you might find on late night television.
ANNOUNCER
Ladies, ladies, ladies. Tired of being single? Having a hard time finding the right man? Sick of going to bed alone at night? Well look no further because we have the solution for you! For one hundred easy installments of only $1.99, you can have your, very own celebrity look-alike!Choose from tens of celebrities such as Tom Cruise! Colin Farell! Brad Pitt! Or Joe Pesci!
Call now! Operators are standing by.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
The room is decorated in pastels, primarily pink. To one side of the room is a bed. In another corner is a desk. By the desk is a large cardboard box. From offstage, a MAN's voice is heard.
MAN (O.S.)
Alright Josephine, clean up your room and then come down for dinner, ok?
JOSEPHINE, 17, hurriedly enters the room wearing a backpack. She looks a bit nerdy, like she goes to band camp and enjoys it.
JOSEPHINE (to Man)
I'm not hungry dad!It's here, it's here, it's here it's here, it's here, it's finally here! Come to mama!
She tosses her backpack aside and searches the desk, finally pulling out a pair of scissors. With the scissors, she opens the box.
From the box, a YOUNG ASIAN MAN pops out, gasping for air. Dressed in tattered faux-designer clothes, he yells an expletive in Vietnamese. He speaks with a heavy accent.
YOUNG ASIAN MAN
Would it kill them to cut some holes into the box!JOSEPHINE
What the heck?YOUNG ASIAN MAN (reading from a card)
Tired of being single? Having hard time finding the right man? Sick of going bed alone at night? Well look not further because I am the solution for you!JOSEPHINE
Who are you?YOUNG ASIAN MAN
My name is Bradpitt. Bradpitt Pham.
INT. VIDEO STORE - NIGHT
A CLERK is working at the counter as a male CUSTOMER comes out of the Adult video section and approaches him.
CLERK: Hi, can I help you?
CUSTOMER: Uh, yeah, can you check to see if I have any videos on my hold list?
CLERK: Sure, can I have your phone number?
CUSTOMER: 555-0154
The clerk checks in the computer database.
CLERK: It looks like you have "Slutty Snatches 4" on your list.
CUSTOMER: That's right.
The customer puts a dvd on the counter.
CUSTOMER (CON'TD): [annoyed] Then why did I just find it on the shelf? Do you know how long I've been waiting for this?
CLERK: I'm sorry sir, it must be a mix-up -
CUSTOMER: Look, I'm just doing things by the system you guys set up. When I reserve Slutty Snatches, I expect it to be reserved.
CLERK: I'm really sorry.
CUSTOMER: Just don't let it happen again, alright?
Off in the corner, STAN, who has been listening in, snickers.
CUSTOMER: [to Stan] What are you laughing at?
STAN: Nothing. Sorry.
Stan exits the store.